I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
