so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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