just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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