I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
