He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
