we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
