You just made me feel so damn special
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
