I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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