youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize