Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I intend to get homeless drunk
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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