After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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