I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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