Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
