I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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