totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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