Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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