Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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