she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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