Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
