did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
