using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
