Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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