If that was your dad, he is hot
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
