So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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