Already got asked if we're dating
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
