I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
