You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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