bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
