is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
