Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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