I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
