p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
