Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
