piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
