She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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