Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
