He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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