I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
