Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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