Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
