If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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