she looked like the bat from fern gully.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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