it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
