census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
