walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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