We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
