Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
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