girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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