No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
