take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
