I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
